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2011, JULY |
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July 25: A Parable When I got my first credit card, the bank gave me a limit of $1000 a month. In almost no time, I was spending close to that. The bank’s response was to raise my credit limit. They did this frequently, without my even asking, until we came to some sort of equilibrium. Eventually, I reached the point that I was spending more than I had (though still less than my limit), so I ran a balance on which I had to pay interest. This made the bank very happy for a while because as the interest charges mounted, my balance grew even faster—the miracle of compound interest. Then one day I discovered that I couldn’t pay the mortgage or the interest on my card so I went to the bank and told them I had decided to allow myself to borrow more money. Imagine my surprise when they told me they had decided not to lend me any more. "But how do you expect me to pay you what I owe," I asked, "if you don't loan me the money to do it?" The Bank of Asia said that was an interesting argument, but they were not interested in throwing any more money into what now appeared to be a bottomless pit. Congress and the President will almost certainly reach some sort of agreement that involves raising the debt ceiling to pay the mortgage, a procedure that doesn’t prevent disaster but merely postpones it while making eventual default ever more likely. What if the people we borrow from have figured this out? What if we gave a party and nobody came? What did the stock market do today?
July 21 California has just become the first state to require that school textbooks (assuming we have any) and history classes (again, assuming) include the achievements of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender Americans. While I applaud the sentiment, it seems to me this legislation doesn’t go nearly far enough. Given his background, I’m surprised that Governor Brown didn’t lobby for inclusion of Buddhists among those whose contributions ought to be recognized. But there are plenty of minority groups being ignored. While I don’t expect that Texas will soon be joining the move to celebrate our country’s GLBT contingent, it is not unthinkable that the Texas Board of Education will choose to salute the nation’s notable Creationists, like Chuck Norris and George Washington Carver—no, wait, he’s black; never mind. But surely Texas will join with Arizona to get some illegal immigrants, like Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and filmmaker Jose Antonio Vargas, into the history texts. Not enough. Not nearly enough. What about our blue-eyed citizens? Have you ever read a history book that celebrates Americans whose irises are melanin-challenged? I doubt it, although these people represent fully 16% of our populace. It’s simply outrageous that we fail to recognize them. Jane Pauley and Linda Hamilton have bipolar disorder, Abraham Lincoln and Ernest Hemingway had depression, John Nash and Jack Kerouac were schizophrenic. Where is the demand to document the accomplishments of our great American psychotics? Come on, voters! Write your Congressmen, Congresswomen, and Congresshermaphrodites! Insist that all history teaching must include everybody! This is America!
July 11 again: microeconomics Metro PCS is currently offering “$50 off on the hottest back-to-school phones.” Back-to-school phones? I think that concept pretty much sums up the economic problems of the day. If every child would forego his back-to-school phone this semester there might be enough money for the schools to buy actual back-to-school books. Remember books?
July 11 You may want to just stop reading right now and surf over to Amazon.com and buy something, because I am about to start another rant about the economy, about which I am ignorant enough to think some things are obvious. Economists say what we need is something called “economic growth,” by which they mean more people buying more stuff, so you will be doing your part at Amazon while I talk to myself. Apparently what is needed to save the U.S.—indeed, the global—economy is perpetual economic growth, which has in common with perpetual motion the fact that it is theoretically impossible. Although “The Limits To Growth” was published in 1972, the rest of us have only recently begun to realize that the world is a finite, closed system. It may be that the only thing holding up the economic house of cards is the tremendous growth of the financial “industry,” which doesn’t actually produce anything, but transfers a huge amount of wealth into the hands of a very few who provide, at best, a minimal service. But that’s a different rant. I still don’t understand why “growth” is necessary or even desirable. What would happen if we just produced what we need? We might see the death of Goldman Sachs and Bridgewater Associates [the world's largest hedge fund], but could that be a bad thing? The country is on the verge of default, which means no more than admitting what everyone already knows: that we are bankrupt--we can’t pay our bills. Since the economy of the world (actually, the industrialized world) depends on the biggest debtors making good on their obligations, the economists tell us that a U.S. default will lead to global economic disintegration. Maybe it’s best to let this house of cards collapse now—it appears to be only a question of time anyway—and see how things shake out. It will be ugly, but the longer we put it off, the uglier the eventual disaster will be. The Republicans seem intent on bringing this about sooner rather than later on the theory that a world-wide depression will bring about Obama’s defeat next year, which appears to be the only thing on the GOP agenda. But they may realize in time that this will be seen as their fault, whereas letting the Democrats do whatever they want will still leave the economy in the toilet but without blame attaching to the conservatives. That’s why I assume that there will be some agreement to raise the debt ceiling before the government has to shut down. But why should raising the debt ceiling help anything? That’s just a license to borrow even more; I always thought that when you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging. None of the economists I’ve heard have suggested that raising the debt ceiling may be moot: what if we issue more bonds and nobody buys them? China and Japan together currently hold about $2 trillion in U.S.Treasury securities. They haven’t started dumping them yet, but I can tell you I wouldn’t be eager to invest in more of them. In fact, if I were Hu Jintao I might consider it a reasonable investment to sell all I had at a huge loss in order to bring about a new economic order. But don’t tell him I said that.
July 8: SAW II Yes, that is the title of a horror story, but not the one you think. Not that you care, but I have to vent somewhere, so here is the rest (so far) of the Great Saw Debacle. The nice tech rep in Tennessee told me now I need a new motor. He began to tell me how I would have to strip the number plate off the old motor and mail it in when I stopped him and explained that when I bought a new saw I committed to assembling it, but not to building it from scratch. I don’t think I’m up to the task of replacing the motor, and I’m not inclined to do it anyway. So they are sending a service technician to me. Or rather, they are sending paperwork to their local representative, who should call me in a few days to schedule an appointment. My guess is that in another two weeks a man will appear at my door, look over the saw and tell me I need a new motor, which he will have to order. Then I will have to strip the numbers off…. I don’t know what possessed me, but I sent an e-mail to Amazon. “Don’t do anything,” I said, “but just FYI…” and told them what had happened. Later that day I got a note from them saying they had ordered me a new one (for delivery a week from now) and had ordered a pick-up of the defective item. And yes, I will have to repack the old one—anybody got a big crate and a pallet?—and put the new one together. I called back and begged them not to do anything. We’ll see. The next day (Friday) I got a call from the local Tools-R-Us, telling me to call them on the following Monday to set up an appointment, maybe as early as Tuesday. And an e-mail from Amazon: “your order [for the new replacement saw] is being shipped and cannot not be changed by you or by our customer service department.” And another e-mail from Amazon advising me that if a shipper calls to schedule delivery, I should tell him I “would like to refuse the shipment.” It just gets better and better. Next (it’s still Friday) I got an e-mail from Amazon reminding me that I needed to return the items that were replaced and if I failed to do so, I would incur an additional charge of $2199. I called and Steven N. conceded that they had dropped the ball and promised to make it all better. His solution to the problem was to give me the phone number of the Large Item Department and have me call them tomorrow. It occurs to me that it might be easier to accept the shipment of the new saw, leave it in the crates, and let them come pick it up. They won’t know which one it is…. [I called Large Items and Efrain S. promised not to send the replacement or pick up the one I have. Now if I can just get the damned thing working….] END OF STORY (I hope) (almost): The guy from Tools-R-Us came out on Tuesday and got it working. GLORY BE! That evening I got, sure enough, a call from the shipper telling me they would deliver the new one on Friday. I called and told them I wouldn’t accept it, and they are sending it back. Haven’t been notified about the pick-up for the one I am now using, but who cares?
July 6 My midlife crisis was a little late in coming and when it happened it wasn’t a Porsche at all, but a saw. A 3-horsepower, 220V, single-phase Powermatic 2000 [Wait! Isn’t that the name of Harry Potter’s broom?] with a 50-inch fence, so it will rip a 4x8 sheet of plywood in half. I have lusted after it for years—since midlife, I guess—and I finally decided that it was now or never. I found a great deal, so I bought a new saw. I thought. I ordered it on the last day of May. Two weeks later they called to tell me it was in the warehouse at LAX, ready for delivery. According to the bill of lading, there were supposed to be three boxes but the shipper could only find two. Did I want him to deliver it anyway? I explained that I didn’t relish the idea of uncrating 700 pounds of cast iron parts in the garage where my wife wanted to park her car only to find I had to repack it for return. So I told them to send it back from the airport and get me a new one with all the boxes. Meanwhile, I had to have the garage rewired for a 220 outlet. The guy who said he would do it in exchange for my old saw realized (after he had my saw safely home) that he couldn’t actually do it. I called around and eventually found an electrician who put in the outlet for less than the cost of the new saw. Now I have two 50-amp circuits in an electrical service box that maxes out at 100 amps. No problem, as long as I’m not sawing anything when the air conditioner goes on. Did I mention it’s July? The replacement saw took another two weeks (okay, now it’s July). The shipper called in the morning to tell me my truck had broken down, but they would find another and deliver today. They did. Three boxes: one with assorted small, light parts; one with two fifty-pound cast-iron table wings; and the rest. The rest is a 600-pound saw they took off the truck with a forklift and deposited in the middle of the garage, leaving me to figure out how to get it off the pallet onto the floor. It took me three days to get the thing assembled, wired, positioned, aligned, and ready to go. Trembling with anticipation, I pushed the “start” button. Hmm. I called the Powermatic people in Tennessee. “The switch just hums,” I said. “The motor doesn’t come on.” I held the phone by the switch and let him listen. “Mmm, interesting,” he said. I mentioned that doctors and technical service people shouldn’t say that, and he said he would send me a new switch. It arrived today. I dismantled the old switch and replaced it with the new one. Wired everything back up. Pushed “start.” Mmm, interesting. Tomorrow I will have to call Tennessee again. I would push this thing out into the street and hope a large truck runs over it, but it hasn’t gotten any lighter; it would be like pushing a car—sideways.
July 1 More from The Wonderful World of Advertising:
Powell Electric advertises that they will fix your problem “in a flash.” That’s the last thing I’d want if I had an electrical problem. The new Kia Sorrento features a “panoramic sunroof.” Think about that a minute. Cadillac wants you to know that at 190 MPH, the wind will lift your windshield wipers right off the glass, so they invented a better wiper blade. They do not suggest that you shouldn’t be driving 190 MPH in the rain…. And speaking of General Motors, their latest ad aims to convince me that I should buy a GMC Sierra because it has “chrome. Lots and lots of chrome.” If I want a pickup truck, you can be sure that I’ll look for the one with the most chrome. Then there’s the ad for Universal City’s King Kong ride that calls it “the world’s largest 3D experience.” Wouldn’t the world’s largest 3D experience be, um, the world?
The opinions expressed herein are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect--well, yes, come to think of it, I guess they do. all materials on this site ©michael grossman. all rights reserved. |
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