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2009, NOVEMBER |
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November 27 Macy’s One-Day Sale was Tuesday and Wednesday last week, instead of the usual Friday and Saturday. I guess that was to make room for the Get Ready Sale that ran from Thursday through Saturday. I was dying to see what happened on Sunday. But of course you saw this coming: Sunday marked the start of Macy’s Thanksgiving sale. Who’s the dummy here? Macy’s, who has a big sale every day, or me—the guy who ridicules them but leafs through the paper searching for their ad? I don’t shop there, of course, but I don’t shop anywhere. While looking for Macy’s’s (seems like logical punctuation to me; what do you think, Anna?) ad I found a full page ad for a sale at the outlet mall. A sale? At the outlet mall? Am I missing something here? Isn’t that the whole point of the outlet mall? If they have sales, what is Macy’s to do? I noticed that Rep. Emanuel “Beaver” Cleaver II (D.-MO) introduced a bill to the House to have the day before Thanksgiving officially declared “Complaint-Free Wednesday.” People responded in the traditional American way: by complaining. It wouldn’t have worked, anyway. Wednesday was already taken: it was National Parfait Day. Wednesday was also Charles Schultz’s birthday. Peanuts still runs every day in the L.A.Times, nearly ten years after Schultz’s death, so I guess we still celebrate his birthday. Wednesday was also officially declared (don’t ask by whom) Shopping Reminder Day—only 28 more shopping days left, so get out there and support your country: BUY, BUY BUY! If you go to Macy’s, these comments will make a perfect circle…
November 23: The Second Law of Thermoeconomics, or Why the Recovery Will Destroy the World.
Wall Street apparently thinks the recession is over, and economists now agree because we had a quarter of “growth.” Growth is an increase in production of goods and services, or more particularly an increase in consumption. All of the government’s efforts that weren’t aimed at protecting the bankers from the consequences of their own folly/chicanery/crimes—yes, crimes—have been directed toward restoring “consumer confidence” so we can resume our relentless pursuit of more stuff than we can afford. Somehow the only way the country can hold together is for everybody to keep spending more and more. The financial gurus tell everyone to pay off their credit-card debt, but it seems global well-being depends on our buying a new car every three years, a new phone, a new video game. No one seems to have noticed that in a finite world, growth can’t go on forever: there just isn’t that much stuff. Why do we need to keep growing, anyway? Shouldn’t the measure of the common weal be the common weal, rather than how much more we can consume? Shouldn’t it be more important that everyone is healthy rather than wealthy? And, surprise, by definition everyone can’t be rich. The goal seems to be for each of us to increase his net worth (measured in dollars), but if we all have twice as much money, we haven’t gained anything. If we each have two cell phones and three TV’s, we are no better off, and the planet is a lot worse off. In the end, despite what economists tell us, the Earth is a zero-sum game. Worse, actually, it’s a negative-sum game. What you and I consume somebody else doesn’t get, but what we use up in the process is gone—and nobody gets it. Maybe the “Global Warming Is Just A Theory And Not My Fault” people are right, in the sense that the planet is not getting warmer because of greenhouse gases. Maybe it’s just entropy. The more we try to decrease entropy by making stuff, the more randomness we generate as heat. The Heat Death of the Universe is inevitable, but the Heat Death of the planet will come first. If the human race survives long enough.November 13: California history: Mission Statement. Father Serra’s mission, which he received by transmission from the Franciscan commission, was to build a series of missions along the major cities of the Alta California coast without omission. Though reluctant, he recognized the necessity of his submission to the orders of the church and proceeded without intermission from San Diego to Sonoma. From the first emission of sound from the church bells in 1769, admission was open to all, not merely the Franciscan order. After manumission, former slaves were welcomed as well. Serra relocated to Carmel when his church in Monterey was decommissioned, and there he received permission to accept many hopelessly ill supplicants desperately hoping for remission. He was granted dismission from his duties at age 70, shortly before his death as a result of a snake bite with lethal venom intromission.
November 19 THIS…IS…GRAMMAR JEOPARDY!
Roll over the “?” to reveal the question.
Time flies. What do the officials do at an insect track meet?
It doesn’t work. What do you mean, “it works in theory?”
“Check, please.” “How do you wish to pay the bill?
Syntax. How does the government fund the Poet Laureate’s stipend?
Infrared. What is the past participle of “infrare”?
“Tear here.” How do you know where to cry in a sad movie?
Shampoo. What do the neighborhood dogs leave on artificial turf?
November 8: No news is good news.
Who says they never publish good news? Some upbeat headlines from the Times:
Asteroid expected to miss earth. Woman last seen in Malibu ‘is out there.’ Medi-Cal effort nabs few cheaters. Good news, if it means there aren’t many. Not so good if it means they just can’t find ‘em. Infant returned to parents. [after the parents had tried to sell him…] Deputy won’t face charges. Hospitals seek to pay new fees. Is this akin to “man bites dog”? South Gate officers get $18 million. Rangel keeps chair. Author gets Nobel. Shocking but true. Inmates’ lawyers seek court action. Good to know the lawyers are doing something. New jobless claims decline. It’s a sign that “the labor market is deteriorating more slowly,” which is good news. Or that there’s nobody left to apply…. Panel won’t award prize for honest leadership. Good choice.
The opinions expressed herein are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect--well, yes, come to think of it, I guess they do.
all materials on this site ©michael grossman. all rights reserved. |
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