2008 august

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	2008, AUGUST

August 30

Today I note with sadness the passing of Dr. Hugh Butt, who lived through 98 years of taunts, torment, and humiliation, overcoming the social obstacle of his name to become a physician at Mayo Clinic and the man who discovered the role of vitamin K in blood clotting.

He is survived by his brother, N. Ethan Butt, who is currently serving a life sentence for the slaying of their father, Sue.

On a lighter note, hats off to John McCain for livening up the political, um, debate. He has chosen a running-mate whose sole qualification for the job of Keeper of the Presidential Pacemaker would seem to be that she looks better naked than any other candidate. It’s good enough for me.

Although completely unknown to anyone below the 50th parallel, Sarah Barracuda is apparently a clone of George W. Bush, only more belligerent. I think I saw a movie like this once and all I can say is if he gets elected, John McCain needs to watch his back.

Oh, and one more political comment: everyone seems to be hailing Obama’s nomination as a milestone in American race relations. I disagree. The milestone will come when a black man, or a woman, is nominated and nobody notices.

August 28

Back in the day, being invited to submit art for some competition or exhibition was an honor or at least an opportunity. But increasingly it is a way for galleries to make a steady income without ever actually having to sell anything. From time to time I get one of these invitations. From time to time I respond:

Texas Photographic Society, Inc.

PMB 174

6338 N. New Braunfels

San Antonio, TX 78209

Dear TPSI:

Thank you for your Call for Entries for the 16th annual Members Only show. I gather, then, that being a member is not a requirement. Let me see if I understand correctly: I am invited to send you $55 in return for which you will determine whether my work is of sufficiently high quality to spend six weeks on your wall in San Antonio. Have I got that right? And if I want my slides back, I must include the return postage. And if I want you to tell me if you even got the slides, I have to pay the postage for the damn postcard?

Then, let’s see, if I am fortunate enough to be selected I ship you my photographs, framed and ready to hang, along with another three dollars for each entry to “defray exhibition expense.” (That would be what, pounding the nail in the wall?) And, of course, more postage and a shipping container if I want my work back.

And you will actually let me keep half the proceeds of any sales?

Well, it’s tempting, all right. But listen: my photographs usually sell in galleries for $400-$600. How about if I just send you $300 and we can just forget all of the bother in between?

I’d like to take advantage of this opportunity, but I’m afraid I’m no longer doing photography. I’ve decided to become a Photographic Society instead; seems like a much better deal. And because you were instrumental in getting me started, I will make you a special offer: I’ll look at your slides (up to a total of five) for thirty bucks even. Plus postage, of course.

August 25

I didn’t really go to China. I photographed NBC’s feed from my TV screen and, using in-camera techniques and plenty of manipulation in Photoshop, produced a whole series of images. They don’t end up looking like anything you saw, or could have seen, on TV, which is why I thought it would not be a problem.

Two days after I posted the Olympic series on my photo website, I had the surreal experience of meeting a fellow photographer who also happens to be an attorney. He happens to be an attorney specializing in intellectual property--that is, copyrights and patents. He happens to be NBC’s copyright attorney. Now that is downright eerie. He liked my photos. But.

So I have to take them down.

I have been told by another attorney that I don’t really have to do that because NBC hasn’t noticed, probably won’t notice and, if they do notice, probably won't care. So I don’t really have to do anything unless I get what’s called a “takedown” letter from NBC.

That seems to me a question of what I can get away with versus what’s right. I am generally pretty picky about copyright issues—I’m the only person I know who actually paid for all the software he uses. If I expect people to respect MY copyright, I can hardly justify smudging the line myself.

So if you missed the brief exhibition “Bejing 2008,” I’m sorry. I doubt that General Electric would take exception, but that’s not the point.

August 24

It turns out you don't need a plane ticket to China to photograph the Olympics, you just need a TV. But that's not what I want to talk about. I have this computer.... I’d like to say my computer is driving me crazy but I won’t because a) it wouldn’t be news and b) it turns out it’s the other way around.

My first hint of trouble was when I noted that it was taking 7 minutes to boot up. This happened last June, and Apple made me go into the guts and reset the rastafarian whizdoodle. That worked, but also reset everything else, so I spent the next two weeks getting back to where I had been. I didn’t want to do that again, so I called Apple to see if there was another way.

The “first tier” tech tried a number of things that didn’t work. Then he called the 2nd tier guy, came back to me and said they had told him they didn’t know of anything else to suggest and he should make me just go away.

I wouldn’t go away; I carried on. “If they tell me it’s a hardware problem, I can accept that,” I said. “If they tell me there’s a software problem they can’t fix, I can accept that. But by God they can’t tell me to go away because they can’t be bothered to try.” So Tier 1 put me through to a tier 2 lady, who told me the reason they can’t fix it is I haven’t paid the $50 consultation fee.

We had some words, I gave her my credit card number, and she tried a few things and told me it’s a hardware problem. As in “take everything apart and haul it in to the Apple store.” Then she took pity on me, rescinded the charge, and gave me a case number to take in to the service guy. I decided it would be easier to turn on the computer in the morning, go eat breakfast, and come back.

A couple of days later I tried to burn a bunch of images to a DVD. I found that my computer did not recognize the blank DVDs I inserted.

Then I discovered I could not upload this blog update. I got a message that the “FTP host is not responding.” The FTP host checked things out, said it was behaving perfectly, and the problem was on my side. I was on the verge of pulling out all the cables and loading the damn CPU into the car.

Then I found out that I have to disable my firewall to upload. I had turned it on to discourage all those Viagra emails. Who know it would also block outgoing data?

Then I remembered I don’t have a DVD burner.

Meanwhile, whatever was causing my computer to take 7 minutes to boot up seems to have become discouraged and left. It’s working fine now, thank you. Apple later sent me an email asking what I thought of their telephone tech support. I referred them to this page.

August 20

I’ve been watching the Olympics on my new TV and I have to say the picture is great but it’s kind of boring so far. Unless you’re Michael Phelps’ mom, one swimming race is much like another. And what’s up with synchronized diving?

If you have Tivo, you may be missing the best part: the commercials. While most of them are the same crappy stuff you see all the time, some of the sponsors have treated the Olympics like another Super Bowl and come up with some new ideas. Budweiser has some cute new stuff, as does McDonald’s.

Coca-Cola has not been one of the standouts, but the Coke commercial (not the one touting its “collectible cans”—give me a break, who the hell would collect Coke cans?) got me thinking. It claims that Coke has “no added preservatives.” Let’s see now: carbonated water, high fructose corn syrup, caramel color, phosphoric acid, natural flavors, caffeine. What the heck needs preserving? Besides, the trick is that word “added.” Coke doesn’t exist in nature, it comes out of a chemistry lab. So nothing in it could be considered added—you have to have something in the first place before you can add to it. Phosphoric acid would act as a preservative, but since it’s part of the Coke formula, it isn’t added….

And what about those “natural flavors?” Nobody knows what they are, of course: that’s the reason the CEO and the President don’t fly on the same plane. One thing we know isn’t in it is Saskra root. It used to be, but thanks to the U.S. government’s unrelenting pesticide spraying of Colombia’s coca plantations, Saskra fortissima—a weed that grew alongside the coca plant—is now extinct. Coke fans have noticed the difference. The chemists in Atlanta tried to replace it with something else but a Coke spokesman (well, not exactly a spokesman: if the company knew he was talking, he’d be fired on the spot) said “the results taste awful.” They even tried to synthesize it, but without success. So they can still say they have all natural flavors. Only one less.

August 17

What we all hope will be the last about the damn TV.

I bought the new TV and scheduled somebody to come install the satellite dish. The TV arrived. I plugged it in and connected the rabbit ears. The picture is so good I couldn’t see the need for the satellite and cancelled the DISH network. Now I can watch all the crap I used to watch, only better. I still can’t watch the Sopranos, but then neither can you.

It ain’t perfect, though. When the signal gets through, it’s great. But reception tends to be a little iffy. It fragments or drops out for a second or two periodically, and gives me a blank screen with the message “unable to decode signal” or “no signal.” So I have to get off my butt and go twiddle with the rabbit ears until the signal comes in. Naturally the reception varies with the station so every time I change the channel I have to get up and do it again.

This was sufficiently annoying that I called DISH, ready to pay $24.95 plus tax for decent reception. Until they started reading me the fine print. It says they will put the thing in and charge $24.95 a month until such time as they decide to change the rate. I’m locked in for 24 months, but they can change the terms any damn time they please. (OK, that’s a teeny exaggeration: they initially told me the rate was “good through 2009,” but the fine print said it was good through FEBRUARY, 2009.) I quite calmly explained the concept of a contract creating obligations on both parties and cancelled. Again.

So now I can watch the Olympics on a 40” flat screen digital TV. And I get some exercise in the bargain.

August 14: Say No More

“Fly Me to the Moon,” a 3-D animated tale of insects who want to be the first flies on the moon…”

August 12

I have some money in a CD with IndyMac Federal Bank, formerly known as IndyMac Bank. The name sounded a lot like Freddy Mac, so I figured it must be solid as the government (which, unfortunately, turned out to be about right), so I invested in a CD. When the bank failed, I called them (actually, my call was transferred to the FDIC, which is currently running the bank) to ask if I needed to do anything and they assured me that the funds were safe and would continue to accrue interest at the same rate until the scheduled maturity.

Then I got a form letter from the Office of Thrift Supervision telling me that if I don’t “claim ownership of [my] deposit(s) within 18 months,” the money will be declared “unclaimed property” and given to the state of California.

Where do they get off doing that? They already know it’s my money: they sent me the letter. But if I don’t tell them again, they’ll give it to Arnold? Is that even legal?

August 9

It’s been a tough time for democracy. Latest to come and latest to go is the Islamic Republic of Mauritania, which was established after the Presidential Guard changed the locks on the doors while President Taya was off at the funeral of his pal, King Fahd in 2005. Last year Mauritania had its first real election and chose Sidi Ould Cheikh Abkallahi as its new president. But Old Sid made the mistake of keeping General Something Something Something else Al Aziz as head of the Presidential Guard. You’d think he’d have known better. Sidi didn’t go to anybody’s funeral, but the other day he got pissed and fired Al Aziz and many of his military friends and associates. Al Aziz didn’t take kindly to it, and changed the locks again. He promises to hold new elections as soon as possible.

Of course you remember the Islamic Republic of Pakistan, a semi-presidential federal democratic republic, currently presided over by “former” General Musharraf after his position was sort-of reaffirmed in a sort-of election. He is now threatened with impeachment and has responded with threats of his own. But I’m not one to say I told you so.

And the Republic of Zimbabwe, still in the good, strong hands of Robert Mugabe after half of an election in which he killed or tortured anyone who looked like he might vote against him.

The Union of Myanmar, once known as the Union of Burma was a republic for a while, but that experiment ended over forty years ago when General Ne Win led a coup d’état and the country has been the army’s plaything since.

I miss Tom Lehrer. But since he’s not here, I’ll do what I can:

Who’s Next?

It was Burma once, no abbatoir

‘Til the junta said “we’re Myanmar.”

Then a strongman took on Zimbabwe

And made it the Republic of Mugabe.

Who’s next?

Uganda’s republic fell on the knife

While Idi Amin was Prez-for-life.

Musharraf now owns Pakistan,

He’s holding on as tight as he can.

Who’s next?

The President’s Guard was given the sack

Until Mauritania’s leader turned his back.

And Putin’s in Georgia one more time

‘Cause that republic won’t toe his line.

Who’s next?

I really miss Tom Lehrer.

August 7

Well, it’s shocking, simply shocking.

The whole world is coming to Beijing for a nice visit and it turns out they plan to spy on us. And on each other, too. For starters they have put up a network of 300,000 “security” cameras all over the city. They picked one up at a Washington, D.C. police auction, reverse engineered it, and started churning out a thousand of them a day from their own factory. The joke’s on them, though: somebody will have to look at hour after hour of video that all looks like the picture on yesterday’s post.

All this is in the name of security during the Games, of course. And if you believe they will take them down after we all go home, Ted Stevens can get you a great deal on a bridge in Alaska.

Then there is the “free, unfettered” internet access. It’s free in the sense that you don’t pay for it, but not exactly free like you get at Holiday Inn. Outgoing messages will be routed through the secret police server, but you are free to say anything you want. And you will have access to any website you like except for a few pornography sites. Like Amnesty International and Human Rights Watch.

Only a select few telephones will actually be tapped: those in hotels, for instance. And those in Taiwan, which China still thinks belongs to them. And Tibet, which China still….

The next thing you know, they’ll be listening in on their own citizens. Without so much as a warrant. You just can’t trust those Commies.

August 6: air 1000 Words

It’s a shame I can’t publish the actual photo of Beijing that appeared in the Times this morning, but it looked about like this

Meanwhile, I heard on the radio that China has proclaimed success in their quest to improve the air quality for the Olympics. While a few areas have measurements as high as 120 (I don’t know 120 whats, but it doesn’t matter), most of the venues are in the mid-80s. The Chinese declared that anything under 100 is “healthful,” and that was their goal. So the athletes don’t need to worry.

Oh, in case you were wondering: the EPA “currently” (that is, based on the standards of the Clean Air Act of 1990) advises people to stay indoors and avoid strenuous activity if the level gets above 25.

August 5

There was an article in todays business section about a new investment banking firm in Century City.

To tom.petruno@latimes.com:

Although I’m sure that only in Los Angeles could there be such a thing as a “Star banker,” I found your piece on Ken Moelis’ “storied career” fascinating. And chilling. Moelis has started his own investment banking firm after working for 20+ years “under someone else’s shingle.”

He began his career at Drexel Burnham Lambert, the firm that collapsed after Moelis’ mentor, Michael Milkin, pleaded guilty to a much watered-down variety of securities violations.

Quick on his feet, Moelis jumped to Donaldson, Lufkin, and Jenrette. DLJ, of course, is the firm famously described in the book “Monkey Business: Swinging Through the Wall Street Jungle.” In 2000, it was bought out by Credit Suisse, so Moelis took his friends (and, most likely, a few clients and assorted interesting files) and jumped to Credit Suisse’s arch rival, UBS.

That’s the same UBS that’s being investigated for its role in helping thousands of our very rich evade US taxes, the same UBS that was fined $100 million for illegally transferring funds from a Federal Reserve account to Iran and Cuba. But when their CEO resigned last year, after UBS reported losing $13 billion in the third quarter and predicted another $19 billion to come, apparently Moelis decided it was time to scamper down the ship’s rope again. Now he is “obviously relishing being on his own.”

I look forward to following the fortunes of Moelis & Co. He'l left a trail of rubble behind, but he learned from the best.

August 3

Spam, spam, eggs, and spam.

Well, he said with a resigned sigh, I guess the secret is out. A few days ago I started getting e-mail ads for Viagra. I have no idea why—I’ve recently ordered books, bathroom cleaning supplies, and a TV converter box online, but no sex toys, drugs, or pornography. Not that I know about, anyway—maybe somebody is masquerading as me and buying stuff. It wouldn’t be the first time, but my credit card company reports no unusual activity.

Whatever is going on, it’s escalating. I got one on Tuesday (“Force them realize your real power…”) and four more on Wednesday (“Super Viagra—super sex,” “Improve your erections with…”). Yesterday I got 8 (count ‘em eight) emails for Viagra, and today I have eleven new ones. They aren’t all for Viagra—one is for Cialis, and I’m not sure what “Make your instrument work better” or “Improve your stamina with Supe…” are selling. What brand, that is. I normally don’t open emails with Viagra in the subject line, so I don’t know what’s in them. (N.B.: if you want to send me a message and want me to read it, don’t put “pocket stallion” in the subject line.)

Theoretically, I could open the letter and go to the “unsubscribe” line at the bottom. Theoretically, there is supposed to BE an “unsubscribe” line. I’d like to do that, but I’m afraid of what terrible things might happen if I open one of these letters. I know: I’ll go to the library and use their computer….

I did that. They only gave me 15 minutes, so I couldn’t explore all of the messages, but I got the picture. The messages have nothing to do with Viagra, or with anything at all: “Truly, friend Golg, I have half a mind to come down with you. For this is a marvelous adventure and it may be no mortal has ever looked into Bism before….” Some have a link to a website (whose nature is not revealed by the URL) but I didn’t have the time or the nerve to see where they led. And none has an “unsubscribe” line. But you knew that.

I don’t know what happened to the library’s computer but at least I didn’t see any smoke before I left. Serves them right for only giving me 15 minutes. I barely had time to access Earthlink and dump them off the server. Now I can go home and start over with tomorrow’s spam.